lunes, 13 de febrero de 2012
Daydreaming in a dark night
I feel like I just woke up from a dream. It was a dream and not a nightmare, because it was dreamy. Beautiful. Idealistic. But entirely unreal. Just because of that tiny little thing I realized it was a dream. It started at night, but I had my eyes wide open. I’m not sure about his. I know it was happening, I could feel it in my fingers. I’m not sure about him. It felt unreal from the very beggining, like I was in a movie or a magic scene. Despite all, the next morning it was still happening. It didn’t cease. It was also a daydream, and then a night dream, and all over again. It seemed it was neverending. I could hardly believe it, as a teenager I’ve been considering myself, this was too much to handle. Or at least I thought so.
For a few days I thought I could escape, that the world had changed suddenly and I had my little magic place all around me. For a few instants I wasn’t the ice lady I tent to be.
I found myself smiling on the public transport, then at work in front of the computer, then smoking. Smoking is pretty difficult when you are unable to keep your mouth shut and stop smiling. It felt right and wrong at once. That’s why I didn’t want to tell anyone, if you tell people a fantasy it becomes true. And that’s exactly what I didn’t want. It was my private fantasy, my very own farytale so I could model it like I wanted. That’s what people know as freedom.
But freedom has a very short existence, sooner or later it bumps into ethics. Unfortunately they don’t get along very well. For a few days I allowed myself to think “I know, it’s just I don’t give a shit”. But it can’t last long. The appointment is bound to happen.
So I had to let it go, and pour out my inner thoughts. To speak my mind. To say goodbye to my dream and hello to reality. I thought it was going to hurt, surprisingly it didn’t. All of a sudden it was more like a bubble when it pops. Everything desappears in no time. And you carry on with your life because nothing happen, and that is exactly the point because, actually, nothing happened. Not a thing that really matters, nor a thing meant to change any of your business in life. It was just a meaningless bubble. Or not.
In a way, or rather, in many and different ways, I feel relief. Imagination can work miracles. But only having your feet on the ground they can become true.
Life has a funny way helping you out.